मिज़ाज-ऐ-शाम है ख़फा मुझसे,
पेहर की ख़ामोशी भी है चुपचाप सी,
अकेलेपन के साथी अब मुझसे ऐसे रूठे हैं,
जैसे दिल और उम्मीद मेरे नहीं उनके टूटे हैं।
“When my time comes forget the wrong that I’ve done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed”, Chester Bennington has given us innumerable reasons to miss him & never ever did he do anything wrong! But, this world wronged him in every phase, that hanging himself felt the righteous choice to him.
He was already drowning in from a long time which reflected in his lyrics of ‘Heavy’, but he fought big time. How fucked up a person would’ve felt that even music couldn’t save him! He proved the absolute truth yet again that – You’re alone, no matter what. And he left us wondering that if a music legend like him couldn’t fight it, how the hell can we!!?
Since childhood he saw no good in people and in the world. All he faced was abuse- mental, emotional, physical, sexual and spiritual. Even after giving so many awesome songs, how empty and hollow would he be feeling to end it all at once!
We were so drowned & taken away by all of his songs, that those were the only lyrics we used to humm every single day. During school, after school, at home and then again at school. Even at our little parties, our teenage was all about Linkin Park! We didn’t know at first what we were listening to, until our teenage life fucked us over in our little ways & these songs were the only help we needed, in the end.
As we grew up, all of our life games and sorrows were okay because we had all of them! Somewhere I Belong, Leave Out All The Rest, Numb, What I’ve Done, Bleed It Out, Papercut & the list goes on…We listened & sang & rocked our rooms, shouted like him and tried to be like him. We jumped on the floor from a height, while Linkin Park was on full volume! It was all for the sake of music & life. It was just the best, our escape from everything. But never did we imagined that those songs are not just music but someone’s call for help.
But you know what! There’s no help. No one can help no one. When you’re fucked, you’re fucked. You can just TRY & get real, survive through that pain or end it all just like that!
He saw pain, sorrows & only hate in this world. I think that he did it right! If the pain is just sucking up the life in you, you just can’t let it win the damn game.You gotta do something & he did something- for himself, for peace.
Sometimes you just can’t talk anymore , sometimes you don’t want to! It’s just, you don’t know what’s wrong, but nothing,NOTHING can make you happy. You know you love your people & they love you, but there’s no point in all of it, if you just can’t love yourself or even if you do, you have to set yourself free, in anyway possible!
Chester chose death. I wish he hadn’t, I wish, he’d fought it a bit more, but I know he is finally in peace!
Thankyou for everything, Chester.
For one last time, I am putting out my negative side,
For one last time, I am wasting my words on a cry,
For one last time, I am a submissive to my ‘not welcomed’ love for you,
For one last time, it seems that all of the goodness & hope is not so good to be true!
For one last time, I am broken again,
For one last time ,my heart is filled with screams of unfulfilled desires and lost anger and pain!
For one last time, I am my own prisoner,
For one last time, I am letting you come in, as a lover.
For one last time, I’ll love you as much as I can.
For one last time, I’ll feel your hands on mine.
For one last time, I’ll TRY to survive.
For one last time, I’ll laugh at your joke,
For one last time, I’ll drown into your fake world and get a stroke!
For one last time,Let me be the most naive soul,
For one last time, my heart aches while I miss you even more!
For one last time, I wish for you, and you’re not there anymore.
For one last time, I even care,
For one last time, I consider this as my last hurt…..Again!
For one last time, My words are proving to be a safer way to let out the pain!
For one last time, I am writing about you that I can’t say to anyone but myself.
For one last time, I am thinking about you as of a good heart,
For the first time, I am talking about you, as my Past!
For one last time, I am telling you for the first time ,
-That you’re a coward because you are afraid of your own heart!
-That you’re impossible for me to stay as your part!
-That I am done getting hurt,
-That I know you won’t love.
– That I don’t believe in the goodness you once held in you,
Since we do not have much pictures clicked together like my other ones, I am writing this letter for you. And also, you not liking the camera much is the one thing I don’t like….😑
So Poodle🐶 ,
I am literally out of words when I think about how far our friendship has come! However, almost 8 years ago I became ‘Tandoori’ and you became ‘tommy’ to me…Always sharing consistent roll numbers in class, was one of the reasons we have this bond! Friendship is such a pure relation- it will never hurt you, ignore you or leave you! Just like you my friend! Even when I was ‘underground’ for a whole year, you tracked me down & talked like I was never away- you never ignored, hurt or left me. Thankyou for that. I am grateful for so many things, but I will only mention one- You are always there- Always when I want to talk from the stupidest to an important thing, when I am being naive about my ‘not-so-good’ love life; when I am angry or depressed- You are always there! You are truly a gem and I am lucky that you found me.😇
I am so proud of how far you’ve come and how stable and mature you’ve become over time! I learn so many things from, be it academics or life, one of them is to never give up on the ones you truly love.😌
You understand me speechlessly. You understand my silence, and that’s why we call your type of people – best friend.
There were times when I got the vibe people talking rumours about us being involved as more than friends, but that’s just a part of being best friends with the opposite gender! A struggle every friendship like our’s have to encounter. But it never ever bothered me, because, why would it!
And the hell we talk about, like every possible thing on the planet and beyond. Like, you tell me stuff, sometimes I don’t get & then you make fun of me- that’s not cool.😑
And when we discuss all the awesome movies and blaaahhh…So much fun!
You’ve always supported me through hard times, gave me just the best advice. Sometimes, scolded me- because I needed that too! Thankyou for all those times. And even when the last couple of months weren’t easy for both of us, I am glad that we’ve got each other’s back! We’ll always be there for each other- Laughing at each other (most of the times), crying together when our favorite celebrity or game of thrones character dies, sharing all of our fears and goals- and in all of that my friend, I’ll always be there for you.😃
You made my life better! Best friends do that… I love you and always remember- finish your study, get a job & buy me presents- for oh! so many ocassions taat you owe me!😝
Thankyou for choosing me to be your best friend.Cheers to our lifetime bond.
Still the same smiles..❤