One Last Time…..

For one last time, I am putting out my negative side,

For one last time, I am wasting my words on a cry,

For one last time, I am a submissive to my ‘not welcomed’ love for you,

For one last time, it seems that all of the goodness & hope is not so good to be true!

For one last time, I am broken again,

For one last time ,my heart is filled with screams of unfulfilled desires and lost anger and pain!

For one last time, I am my own prisoner,

For one last time, I am letting you come in, as  a lover.

For one last time, I’ll love you as much as I can.

For one last time, I’ll feel your hands on mine.

For one last time, I’ll TRY to survive.

For one last time, I’ll laugh at your joke,

For one last time, I’ll drown into your fake world and get a stroke!



For one last time,Let me be the most naive soul,

For one last time, my heart aches while I miss you even more!

For one last time, I wish for you, and you’re not there anymore.

For one last time, I even care,

For one last time, I consider this as my last hurt…..Again!

For one last time, My words are proving to be a safer way to let out the pain!

For one last time, I am writing about you that I can’t say to anyone but myself.

For one last time, I am thinking about you as of a good heart,

For the first time, I am talking about you, as my Past!

For one last time, I am telling you for the first time ,

-That you’re a coward because you are afraid of your own heart!

-That you’re impossible for me to stay as your part!

-That I am done getting hurt,

-That I know you won’t love.

– That I don’t believe in the goodness you once held in you,

And that YOU changed everything, forever!

Your Sense of Timing⏳

I am wondering that what is so good about you, that even after months of trying, I am unable to get over you!! It feels like depression, I cry for no reason & sometimes I feel weak and shivered. Just last night, I felt like I am going to die with some ‘overthought’ disease of mine & may be ‘granting’ it as my last wish, you’ll remain with me for whatever days I’d left! That’s how silly can one be!😛

Then, I got scared, not because I literally am going to die (I am gonna live a long and healthy life, don’t flatter yourself bitches😎).

 I was scared for myself! I was scared because I, until now, couldn’t really understand my ‘dying disease’! It strike me in my moments of overthinking, that

 “we create scenarios in our heads, not because we want that to happen ( I obviously don’t WANT do die at such a sexy age, duh!😑) , but we create them because we just want our unfinished and flattering desires to get fulfilled!” 

As in this case its  ‘being with you’. All of my ‘deadly’ behaviour is surrounded by this wish at any cost & here, my death.!!! WTF!

You’re my biggest disease. I can’t quit you, I can’t ignore you and since you’re a part of me, I can’t hate you. I wish I was as deadly in real life , as you!!

Moreover, you came into my life, when everything was perfect & smooth, and in addition to you, it was nonetheless a dream come true! Timing!

But, you left at the time, when I was vulnerable & everything was about to change! I wasn’t at my best but also not at my worst either, because ‘I thought’ you were there! Then, when I needed you the most, you were gone- THEN I was at my worst!


But somehow, I re-occured in a way, that I don’t feel the need of anyone anymore but myself! I am the most worthy and trustable company for myself! I don’t even feel the need to TALK to anyone!
Yet, here I am , thinking that “Man! I thought it was over, but it isn’t! Timing is a bitch and an angel too! However,

“You have a brilliant sense of timing” !

I hope SHE dies soon….

​She is being vicious about everything around her. HER anxiety is causing discomfort for ME! I’ve told her so many times, that SHE is being unreasonable, she needs to calm down a bit, yet she doesn’t understand!! For once, she agrees with me, but for another, she is stubborn and rigid.

She tells everything that has happened to HER, not just once, but every fucking day! SHE repeats her stories, & through those stories, she creates new stories!! She overthinks alot! I tell HER to shut-up and catch a break! I tell Her to focus on what’s coming and not hold on to what’s gone! I tell Her to stop hurting herself, everyday & night!

I tell Her that it’s never coming back, & you know what she tells me on that? “What if, it does?” Aaaahhh! YOU Fucking Coward, grow up!!!! Now, SHE is driving ME, crazzzyyyyyy!!! She has lost it! Cries everyday & stays up all night!

I ask HER everyday to make a plan & work hard on what SHE wants to do in her life. Surprisingly, She listens to ME on this. Then, again after a while, comes back to her grief!!

 Like a butterfly in her cacoon wants to fly, yet she’s afraid to die!

She steps out first & then, goes back all scared and depressed!

SHE don’t understand what she is leading up to! She is becoming her weapon of self- destruction & I am, Even trying my level best, is unable to stop HER do that!!!

SHE knows how blessed she is, yet she craves more, because she know she deserves more!

I tell HER, that these tears are not what SHE’s worth! I tell HER to forget and move on because that is the only smart thing to do! SHE have dreams & goals to fulfil, SHE must not waste herself on some ‘hopeless shit’.

SHE is not ME, but I am HER.

SHE still loves him, but ME, well I do the smart thing! 

I am trying to help HER, but it’s Time, that will tell HER that SHE needs to die, and that SHE is blocking MY way, because SHE is still a part of ME.

A story worth telling….

“I know she’ll say no, my gut feeling about such situations are always on point”, he said. “And my gut feeling is always right and it says that she’s worth the chance”, I replied. “Oh….Well, alright, I’ll talk to her”, he surrendered.

Its hard for you, if you’re an hopeless romantic and your best friend is in love with this girl since like forever! All you want is for them to be together, because that’s how you are- you want a long term love for yourself & since you don’t have one, you wish to let other’s love, win!

Jpeg

It seems like yesterday when Dave told me about Claire! Of course, we were in school back then! And, actually after a few months of their break-up, he told me yesterday (for real) that he’s missing her and been thinking about her! To which I responded like Professor Snape conversed with Dumbledore-“‘After all this time?’, ‘Always’!”

It was a beautiful time for Dave, he just became an uncle to his adorable niece, Rizzy and was visiting home after a long time. And I got this text from him saying, “I don’t know why I am thinking about her,here”! I told him many valid reasons to that, like 1) Because you guys know each other since childhood & every memory is suddenly alive again, OR 2) Because now that you’re at home, You’ve all the time to really re-think about everything. All I tried is to console him and be a good friend, its been like more than 6 months of their break-up!

And the next thing I realised after hearing him out was that, he loves her, will always love her & that break-up was a stupid thing, happened for a stupid reason. He was coping with my opinions and did second my decision on telling Claire everything, about how he feels and take a chance, without thinking about any consequences. Next text I got was, “We are back”…. All I could do in that moment was smile, like an idiot, not only that I was happy for them, but because yes, I loved the feeling when love wins and conquers all!

I didn’t tell him why i wanted them to be together clearly. But I guess he knew. He knew how lucky he is to have found his soulmate so early and still love her like always! What he didn’t know, was that, love like their’s keeps hope alive for people like us!

A hopeless romantic is never desperate for love. They just love loving, love. They love everything and everyone. They never lose hope and are always positive. Like while I write this, I love how the wind is kissing the leaves, and how those leaves are bound to dance on it and enjoy ….That’s Love…. A smile is stuck on my face, because I can feel that love without having to love anyone in my life, cause all I do, is love….

“Love is not what you do, love is the way you are”- Sadhguru

“I don’t know why all this has happened! What do you think about us T?” Dave asked furiously. “I am going to write something about it, that’s for sure and just so you know, you guys are meant to be together”, I answered.

Loving just one person your whole life is a treasure only few can find! I just want you to embrace your love and to the haters out there of the love you’ve got, Flaunt it…;)

The Canvas !

When you’re the person of art, everything about you becomes your art exhibition. They say, ‘life is a canvas’. So be it, but lets not forget that the most basic & primary colours used in every picture are Black n White. 

Black- the dark times, the rage, the sorrow, the fear, the hate !

White- the peace times, the love, the beauty, the happiness !

Everything around us, every sorrow or every happy moment, is a surprise. The happy ones are the ones we don’t wish to pass on to anyone else, because lets admit, we’re selfish, so something good happening with us must remain with us! Yet, we are kind, because every pain we come across, every misery we encounter, we always wish to never let that same thing happen to anyone else! We humans are such strange creatures!!!

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We have all shades of black and white. Our grey areas are both evil and good;  Still, we crave colours to be happy!

Taking Time 💭

Writing is an exceptional art, that doesn’t come easily to you. To write is to worship words. We go inside the crossward paths of our heart and soul, we search for every possible way to create history through our words, yet we fail sometimes and still we try harder each day….💎📝

Writing needs peace of mind.It requires all the efforts together. The mind and soul  creating something new everytime, is a task parallel to meditation. 

I am just trying to get better with words, with life and with literature, so that I can pour better experiences in this jar of wisdom. 😌:D

Just trying to be more shagadelic ,with words as well… ;)😇

Travel Diary #1 (a story of a bus stop)!

In search of Peace!!!

Winter is here, so we wake up a little late, yet I try to be a morning person. Unfortunately, in spite of that, I missed my train. I was heading home. So, I was left with another most important public transport option,  a bus. Haven’t eaten a thing, I was starving. The bus was to be arrive 2 hours from now. “2 hrs.? I’ll go crazy, I must eat something”, I thought! The usual ‘Chai with Bun Maska’to the rescue, saved me!

When a person’s hungry, he eats faster, well I immediately took a sip of my tea, & burnt my tongue! Ouch! Sitting and waiting for the bus takes up alot of patience, you wonder a lot of stupid things in that spare time. As I was talking to little evil me in my head, I noticed an old man sitting on my front bench. He was trying to fold his blanket, but with just one hand. He was differently abled. As I glanced more keenly, how eager that man was to finish his folding as soon as he could! And all I could do was just wait for him to finish, he didn’t have right arm. I was watching him setting up his bag, I wasn’t sorry for him.Why would I? He might not have one arm, but he’s got all the courage and confidence in the world, which is most necessary to survive this harsh world. I just wanted him to get done with the things he was coping with, just wanting to watch him succeed, as I might win something! I was keeping myself busy enjoying my ‘desi breakfast’.

As soon as he packed his bag he stood up and went on his way and me, well, I won something. I still don’t klnow what.

Half a bun is killed by roaring stomach and wait for it! What happened next was like a murder. I took a sip of my bus stand taste like tea, a kid approached, moreover, a beggar, I must mention! He asked for money. Now, imagine your worst fear coming true ,telling you ,on your face that, “you suck girl! You’re the worst human being ever.” And still you are trying to cope!

So, I refused to give any money to the kiddo,(because I’m against it) & lucky for me he didn’t argue and went off  his way. If he’d have asked one more time, I surely would’ve handed him over my whatsoever left breakfast, instead that was the only meal I was going to have for the next 6 hours. But he wasn’t  there and I was experiencing my worst fear laughing at my face. I felt terrible. I was EATING and that kid, I wondered what would he EAT! I felt selfish.

I used to think of myself as a humanitarian. I think I still am. But as it turns out I finally realised that I am a human and that is how we are. All of my worries and stress just went away. As I came in light about some huge ironies of our society:

#1 Differently abled people are equally or may be more able than us, humans. Because they’ve more courage. They’re not cowards like us. They can face every hardship better and still we see them with pity and sympathy. Why? Because , we are the worst creatures. Because we are selfish, greedy, proudy, egoistic! They’re the worst of all the mental and physical diseases. So, I must call us HANDICAPPED.

#2 We always complain about a perfect society, yet we try to make one.We put efforts, to feed the poor, to help the needy and much more! Still,we fail. Then, we complain again. The irony is, there is nothing like a perfect society. There never will be.There’ll always be loopholes, but there’s one thing certain for us to do- Acceptance. Accept the truth & living in reality!

I had not accepted this thing until now, I really wanted to see a perfectly doomed society, which always use to dissappoint me in ways! Why people are so selfish & arrogant? Why they do the things they do?…bla..bla..

Now. That I’ve finally digested the real world, I will stay calm at times where I used to panic. I know how people are! All I (we) could do now, is making myself (ourselves) suitable for the good of the society. There is lack of goodness, but it’s still there & I (we) will contribute in it. I (we) will make myself(ourselves) better, will improve , everyday,such that, I(we)  will help others to stay sane. Do every good thing I(we) can possibly do, because the world needs me(us)!

World Peace Demanded! Amen.

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