The Infinite Days of ‘US’

Aren’t there certain times, when you are hell confused about something but couldn’t find the solution!? There are plenty. I’ve never been so confused in my life before! Not getting an answer to a question, around which your life revolves, is the most frustrating thing ever! You can’t find peace with anything, which is even more annoying than the question itself!

Your essence never leaves my side, its too strong. I am stronger than it, but its comforting and takes me back where I want to go!!

We can’t go back in time and change things or our actions. I don’t want to change anything infact. It made me what I am today & I love this new person! And I bet the new person that you’ve become is better for you too! So, its all good, then what is it that keeps us connected somehow?! Everything & every thought leads to you & yet, I can’t figure out why! Spending months to get over it and trying to find peace, I still couldn’t find out the reason of us still being together even after us staying apart!

I tried finding answers but all that I came up with were some ‘movie’ shit and philosophies!! Although, some relations are not meant to end, even if they did end! Some connections are rare to find! Some chemistries are not to look up into other people, but ONE ! Until now, I was confused & upset about not being able to figure out anything. But now I just don’t care what happens!!

I’ve accepted that we can’t be together, & that’s the ‘fault in our stars’⭐! But, also I know that we’ll always be together even if we are apart! Because there’s a part of Me that lives in You, and a part of  You that lives inside Me & nobody can take it away from us. We’re each other’s horcruxes ( only harry potter fans will know😅).

I am glad that it happened. I am glad that I met you, without which I would’ve never been able to experience the purest essence of love. Only few lucky ones know its power & only few can survive it forever! I am one of those lucky few, who know the beauty & flavour of the soul of true love & I am glad that I do.

And now that I know it, sometimes its okay to not find an answer, its okay to remain at “what if’s” , because even if you do find out, it might be something you aren’t expecting which may lead to you getting hurt!

Not knowing something like it, keeps us out of one of life’s crisis!

So, its okay to not know.

Life gives us enormous chances, but only few second chances! But I never felt as it is our last chance! As far as I know and I can go, we’ll be getting our share of second chances, whenever WE want! For all I know, we’ve got infinte days of ‘US’, until life figures it out itself! ….❤

Dream, life, Love

Your Sense of Timing⏳

I am wondering that what is so good about you, that even after months of trying, I am unable to get over you!! It feels like depression, I cry for no reason & sometimes I feel weak and shivered. Just last night, I felt like I am going to die with some ‘overthought’ disease of mine & may be ‘granting’ it as my last wish, you’ll remain with me for whatever days I’d left! That’s how silly can one be!😛

Then, I got scared, not because I literally am going to die (I am gonna live a long and healthy life, don’t flatter yourself bitches😎).

 I was scared for myself! I was scared because I, until now, couldn’t really understand my ‘dying disease’! It strike me in my moments of overthinking, that

 “we create scenarios in our heads, not because we want that to happen ( I obviously don’t WANT do die at such a sexy age, duh!😑) , but we create them because we just want our unfinished and flattering desires to get fulfilled!” 

As in this case its  ‘being with you’. All of my ‘deadly’ behaviour is surrounded by this wish at any cost & here, my death.!!! WTF!

You’re my biggest disease. I can’t quit you, I can’t ignore you and since you’re a part of me, I can’t hate you. I wish I was as deadly in real life , as you!!

Moreover, you came into my life, when everything was perfect & smooth, and in addition to you, it was nonetheless a dream come true! Timing!

But, you left at the time, when I was vulnerable & everything was about to change! I wasn’t at my best but also not at my worst either, because ‘I thought’ you were there! Then, when I needed you the most, you were gone- THEN I was at my worst!

But somehow, I re-occured in a way, that I don’t feel the need of anyone anymore but myself! I am the most worthy and trustable company for myself! I don’t even feel the need to TALK to anyone!
Yet, here I am , thinking that “Man! I thought it was over, but it isn’t! Timing is a bitch and an angel too! However,

“You have a brilliant sense of timing” !

Dream, life, Love

I hope SHE dies soon….

​She is being vicious about everything around her. HER anxiety is causing discomfort for ME! I’ve told her so many times, that SHE is being unreasonable, she needs to calm down a bit, yet she doesn’t understand!! For once, she agrees with me, but for another, she is stubborn and rigid.

She tells everything that has happened to HER, not just once, but every fucking day! SHE repeats her stories, & through those stories, she creates new stories!! She overthinks alot! I tell HER to shut-up and catch a break! I tell Her to focus on what’s coming and not hold on to what’s gone! I tell Her to stop hurting herself, everyday & night!

I tell Her that it’s never coming back, & you know what she tells me on that? “What if, it does?” Aaaahhh! YOU Fucking Coward, grow up!!!! Now, SHE is driving ME, crazzzyyyyyy!!! She has lost it! Cries everyday & stays up all night!

I ask HER everyday to make a plan & work hard on what SHE wants to do in her life. Surprisingly, She listens to ME on this. Then, again after a while, comes back to her grief!!

 Like a butterfly in her cacoon wants to fly, yet she’s afraid to die!

She steps out first & then, goes back all scared and depressed!

SHE don’t understand what she is leading up to! She is becoming her weapon of self- destruction & I am, Even trying my level best, is unable to stop HER do that!!!

SHE knows how blessed she is, yet she craves more, because she know she deserves more!

I tell HER, that these tears are not what SHE’s worth! I tell HER to forget and move on because that is the only smart thing to do! SHE have dreams & goals to fulfil, SHE must not waste herself on some ‘hopeless shit’.

SHE is not ME, but I am HER.

SHE still loves him, but ME, well I do the smart thing! 

I am trying to help HER, but it’s Time, that will tell HER that SHE needs to die, and that SHE is blocking MY way, because SHE is still a part of ME.